ok but can we like start a petition for Cards Against Humanity to make a John Mulaney themed pack because i would be willing to spend all my money on that
Suggestions:
Black cards-
• THERES A ______ LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL
• Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell ________
• Canceling plans is like ________
• Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need _____
• You have the moral backbone of a _______
• I’ll keep all of my ___________ right here and the one day I’ll die
White Cards-
• what’s new pussycat played 7 times followed by its not unusual followed by what’s new pussy cat
• smoking cocaine the night before your college graduation
• a 28 year old healthy man trying his best
• one black coffee
• STREET SMARTS
• shushing animals even though they’ve never spoken
• Delta Airlines
• the one thing they can’t replace
• an on fire garbage can… could be a nursery
• a sea of drunk toddlers
• a pre- y2k asshole
• Xanax
Do my friends hate me? Or do I just needwhat’s new pussycat played 7 followed by it’s not unusual followed by what’s new pussycat
Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell the one thing they can’t replace.
THERE’S a sea of drunk toddlers LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL
I’ll keep all of my STREET SMARTS right here and the one day I’ll die
I have more suggestions!
Black Cards-
Anyone who’s seen my ______ and met my parents needs to die.
Everyone get out of my way! I just want to sit here and feed my ____!
I am very small and I have ______, so you can imagine the amount of stress that I am under.
You could probably pour _______ into my lap and I’ll probably apologize to you.
We don’t go to jail for ______, you silly billy.
Too old to be ______, quack quack!
White Cards-
a Tall Child
Ocean’s Eleven, but with women
the thing I’m sensitive about
a Best Buy rewards card
a meal voucher that doesn’t work
a secondary location
More black cards
Why buy the cow when you can get ______ for free?
We bought a ______ for our dog
Was there ever really a ghost mother? Or was the little Victorian girl just ______ all along?
My wife is _____ and I love her so much.
Because we’re _______ and life is a fucking nightmare!
More white cards
Petunia the french bulldog
Bill Clinton standing outside the library to walk you home
National Geographic on Facebook: this is a facial reconstruction of a teenage girl who lived 9000 years ago based on her remains!
half the comments: men criticizing her looks and saying she’s unattractive and mannish
anyway this is the reconstruction and I always enjoy seeing the faces of prehistoric humans and how much we have in common over thousands of years despite how incredibly different our lives are. I support her and I think she looks wonderful.
everyone in the replies of this post saying “well I think she’s pretty!” missed the whole damn point lmao
I remember watching a documentary once where historians were trying to work out who a dead girl was and what her life was like. I’m pretty sure they dated the body back to the early Victorian era, and established pretty early on that she lived in poverty, died young, and was most certainly a prostitute.
The grand finale of the show was the reveal of her reconstructed face. Now, bare in mind that through their investigations they discovered that she had lived an awful life and died an agonizing death (syphilis iirc). So, you can imagine my disgust when the historians reacted with disappointment at the reveal of her ‘face’. This poor girl, who had suffered terribly, was obviously not the poor, tragic beauty they had been hoping for.
She was plain, maybe some would say she was ugly, but what was truly hideous was the fact that you could practically see the sympathy these historians had for this poor girl slip away as they looked at her ‘face’, and you could certainly hear it in their voices.
Even in death our value rests on the basis of our looks. Sympathy is conditional - based on where you fall on the looks scale.
Science: *gives us the miracle of seeing long-dead faces*
its weird to think horses were ever ‘prey animals’ because what fucking predator looks at a 8 foot tall ENORMOUS beast with pitch black devils eyes, terrifying teeth and extremely powerful legs and think ‘yeah lets go attack that one’
well moose are still prey animals so
thats fucked up, a moose is like a horse with extra weapons
